it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
