i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
