uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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