Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Randomize
