Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
