Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
