so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
