I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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