I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
