She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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