I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
