If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
