she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
How naked do you want me to be?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
