Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
