I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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