It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He better not be in your backpack
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
