I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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