i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
