I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
