She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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