I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
