i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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