my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
