I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize