my vag is so smooth its legendary
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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