im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
