4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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