Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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