Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
