oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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