do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
