So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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