Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
