i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
