I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
