in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
