She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
