That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
