have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He felt like a one man threesome
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Randomize
