You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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