I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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