im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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