So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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