What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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