i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
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She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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