he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
