I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
