i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
