I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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