did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
