If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
