New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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