And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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