I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Drunk is a universal language darling
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