I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
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I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
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Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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