alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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