i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
