Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
