U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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