I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
