I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
